Nixa seeks Katheryn's counsel -- Nixa's Soul Search

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Aysa
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Nixa seeks Katheryn's counsel -- Nixa's Soul Search

Post by Aysa » Mon Nov 14, 2016 12:56 am

More log preface. Nixa still has not delivered her symbol to Truescar Anastacia; however, as the days go by, she is becoming more and more resolute in her decision to turn away from Loviatar.

@--->---- Start of the Log ----<---@

Nixa leads Katheryn into the garden. She takes a few moments to look at the different flowers, even stopping at the hyacinth bush before turning to face Katheryn. 'I am hoping that the Lady of Love answers my prayers, though... She may not.'.

Katheryn takes in a deep breath, as if enjoying the scents of the garden with a smile. She looks around a moment before settling her gaze on you and giving a faint smile as she says, 'Perhaps she may not, no. But that you seek to turn from your former self is truly such a huge step...'.

Katheryn says to you 'It means much to do even that. But it would do well to have hope, and truly seek to learn and devote yourself, regardless.'

Nixa looks down to her hand that is lacking a ring. She nods her head, 'I took another step and gave the ring that hid my former self from prying eyes to Sir Alitar.' She then looks back up, 'The funny thing is... I sort of practice what the Lady of Love preaches.' She sighs, 'To those that I favor. I will need to ... find the strength to not give in to my darkness that...' She pauses, '... can be cruel and sadistic, especially to those that have wronged me.'.

Katheryn's gaze falls to your hand a moment, giving a faint nod of her head before returning it to you as she listens. She purses her lips lightly before she says to you, 'It will, without a doubt Miss Nixa, be a long and troubling path. Master Gwain had the right of it, now that I know what you seek. That thinking, and learning, will only help you on your goal.'.

Nixa nods her head, 'I have heard the tale of Mersgrave forsaking Kelemvor, and now... he no longer can cast arcane spells.' She exhales, 'And your brother's... condition is not unfamiliar to me.' She frowns, 'So... I can only fear what the Willing Whip may do to me. Not just physically, but psychologically.'.

Katheryn blinks in surprise at you, her gaze shifting aside a brief moment before returning, giving a firm nod of her head as she says to you, 'It will certainly be a very harsh test for you, if you seek solace from Her.' She purses her lips tightly before she asks you, 'How long were you embedded within Her faith?'.

Nixa frowns, 'For a while.' She then looks up to the sky, closing her eyes, 'Though, I can not say that I have committed that many cruel acts.' She looks back, 'A part of me wants to believe that the Lady of Love was looking out for me. Two cases...' She furrows her brow, '... three cases, any revenge of a cruel desire that I would have enacted was... interrupted either by circumstances or by my friendship with Joy, er... some know her as Yumna.'.

Katheryn's lips purse tightly once more before she offers to you, 'Perhaps Her sights were not on you as heavily as Lord Death's on Mersgrave, or the Mad One on Lord Marshall. Both had been deeply rooted within their faiths for a very long time.'.

Katheryn says to you 'But given Her inclinations, it would be much to hope that your...punishment...may be reduced.'

Nixa shakes her head, 'No, I do not think I will escape Her wrath.' She frowns, 'And with the way my mind is, there are so many cruel and sadistic things that could be done to me... where her punishment would endure a lifetime.'.

Katheryn's lips purse again, her gaze wandering your face a short time before she asks, 'Have you had opportunity to speak with my brother at length?'.

Nixa shakes her head, 'Not at length about his condition.' She grins, 'But he was very insightful when we first met. Without even saying much, he knew the lies that I was telling.'.

Nixa tilts her head, 'He has been too preoccupied with Seraphine for me to ask him for a private conversation.'.

Katheryn nods faintly as she says to you softly, 'Because he had been a Liar for much of his own life.' Though, at the second name, she gives a small smile and says, 'Perhaps another time may come when he is not with Miss Seraphine. They had been separated for quite some time, surely she does well for him.'.

Katheryn says to you 'I do suggest seeking him for an extended conversation. Perhaps even with Miss Seraphine present, if you do not mind. Being open and honest of your aims is a step towards a better path, also.'

Katheryn takes in a small breath before she exhales, 'Though at the start of your path, I understand seeking privacy. But there must be an understanding also that...such information will be unavoidablely known to all in enough time.'.

Nixa nods her head with understanding, 'I will. Any insight can help me prepare for the trials that I will face.' She looks down, but then back up, 'I am well aware that it will become public. And I suspect that there will be those that will spread half-truths, lies, and ... truths... to weaken the bonds of friendship around me.' She bites her lip, 'You should have seen the letter... er... the book that I wrote Joy. I wanted her to know everything so that she knows the truth when that does happen.'.

Katheryn nods her head once, firmly in reply, 'To speak plainly, there is no preparing for what may come. And rightly, it is less about what is done to you...but more of what you seek to do.' She gives you a faint smile as she adds, 'Your focus needs be on the future, and fear only grants Her the power over you she will seek to keep.'.

Nixa furrows her brow, perhaps contemplating those words. There is silence as her eyes shift like she were reading the pages of a book. She nods her head, 'Perhaps I am still clinging onto a bit of selfishness.' She gives pause again, before speaking, 'I should focus on I plan on adhering to the Lady of Love's faith.' She exhales, and then looks up, 'But... what if the Willing Whip scars me, taking away my beauty? I will be shunned by those who I wish to follow.'.

Nixa sighs quietly, 'I could easily see the Willing Whip scarring not only my appearance, but scarring my vision so that I become color blind and be unable to color coordinate.' She closes her eyes, 'You are being selfish, Nixa. Focus... focus on performing acts of love.'.

Katheryn reaches a hand out to touch lightly her fingertips to your forearm, giving you a faint smile as she says, 'You must endure your trials and prove your sincerity to Lady Firehair. Beauty lies more than skin deep, Miss Nixa, and it is what *you* seek to prove to Lady Firehair.' She withdraws her hand, refolding them in front of herself neatly as she says to you, 'I think your first step may first be to overcome your fear of what is to come...to accept that it will, and to look forward.'.

Katheryn draws in a deep breath, holding it a moment before she says to you softly, 'There is no doubt that Pain will come to you, and She will come as fiercely as ever. But you must endure it to keep yourself, lest all this talk, and effort, would be for naught if you give in.'.

Nixa does seem receptive to supportive gesture. She then sighs quietly, 'I do not think I can overcome the fear. There is so much that I envision will befall upon me.' She exhales, 'I think I will carry that fear with me until it happens.' She nods her head, 'But I know I need to walk this path. I surrendered my ring of mind shielding to Alitar. I am ready to surrender my symbol to whomever. But you have given me more to think about, what my steps are once that is done. How do I present myself to the Lady of L' ove? Perhaps between then and now, I start performing acts of love... even if some will question my motives."

Katheryn nods faintly as she says, 'Giving the ring to Sir Alitar was a fair step. As to how you should present yourself...' She purses her lips lightly in thought before she says, 'I would start simply with...being open and honest. The truth is a light that shines over the shadow of lies and rids you of doubt.' She gives you a faint smile as she says, 'I would speak more with Lord Marshall on the topic, however.' Her smile fades as her lips purse once more and she says to you, 'His own experience was a bit...different...though surely you can imagine the troubles of one so deeply seated in the Mad One's faith seeking to escape it.'.

Katheryn says to you 'The coming days will not be easy. And it will not be easy for you to immediately just...change your ways. You once believed, and that is how you found yourself in Her faith. It will take time and effort to change.'

Nixa nods her head, 'I will do that as well. In a way, your brother has been inspiration for me. I figured that his ledger was dripping with blood, but he has found the strength to seek redemption.' She tilts her head, 'I have only dipped my quill into the ink, so to speak.'.

Katheryn purses her lips tightly at your words, then gives a faint nod as she asks you a curious, 'What of his deeds do you know, if I may pry...?'.

Nixa nods her head in agreement, 'And yes, I fear the darkness that is inside me. The cruel and sadistic part of me that could easily find an agenda that would start a war between two nations, simply because I wanted to destroy my father's merchant business.' She exhales, 'As for your brother? I know nothing of the specifics. Simply that he ... has shed the blood of many.'.

Katheryn gives you a faint smile as she suggests, 'That you know that already of yourself is a good start, and changing that thought process is another step.' She purses her lips tightly once more, then gives a faint nod as she says to you softly, 'He has shed much blood. My own, included. But he has slowly come to face his actions and accept what has been done. I admit it has been a time since I spoke with him at length...' She pauses, then shakes her head before saying to you with a faint smile, 'But even seeing him briefly, I can tell he is different. Keep hope, Miss Nixa.'.

Nixa nods her head, 'I am trying. And I have Joy to hold me up when I do not.' She smiles gently, 'And thank you for talking to me.' She tilts her head, 'And thank you for not... passing judgment or shunning me, especially once you found out that I followed the Willing Whip.' She exhales, 'It is one of the things that I ... need to forgive Andreas for. He shamed me in public before he even knew my name. He passed judgment before I even did anything. I still carry that grudge. I... I can not let it fester, though the desire is there.'.

Katheryn inclines her head politely to you as she says, 'We are taught discretion in our lessons, I am sorry to hear such. Despite where your heart was, I try to see where it can be.' She purses her lips lightly before she says to you, 'Perhaps you might seek Sir Andreas and inform him of your intents? In doing so it might help him realize that not all need be judged so swiftly. An experience you both may learn from.'.

Nixa looks down, 'Can I be honest?' She then looks back up, 'I suspect that he will think that it was his words that progressed me to this path.' She smirks, 'Which is the furthest from the truth.' She clears her throat, then closes her eyes, 'Stop listening to that voice.' She exhales, 'I will seek him out and share with him my intentions. I... I think that might be another good step, and to ... forgive him for calling me out in public.'.

Katheryn gives you a warm smile and once more reaches a hand out to lightly place her fingertips to your forearm as she says, 'It would only do you well to let it go. And while I understand your connection with Miss Joy, do realize that there are others who would lend you strength, also.' She brings her hand back and folds it neatly once more in front of her, saying to you, 'There are many good people in Waterdeep who would wish to see you well, you may not even know them yet.'.

Nixa nods her head, 'Oh, no... I know there are a circle of people that will be there for me. Delysia, Nivalis, Meena and Ailyn to name a few.' She furrows her brow, 'There are others that... I have to 'let go' of some past grievances.' She exhales, 'And obviously, by talking to you and Gwain, it has given me strength as well to move forward.'.

Katheryn gives you a warm smile as she says, 'That is always a positive step. A good one in the right direction. I too would be available, if you have need.' She pauses before saying to you a genuine, 'Thank you for speaking with me, Miss Nixa. I appreciate your goals and believe that you are able to face the coming trials, to come out all the stronger for them.'.

Katheryn looks up towards the sky briefly as if trying to find the moon before she lets out a thoughtful, 'Hum.' and looks back at you, 'I believe I should be getting ready to tend my morning duties.'.

Nixa nods her head, 'And I think I need to eat, or I will be nothing but skin and bones.' She wrinkles her nose, 'In an unhealthy kind of way.'.

@--->---- End of Log ----<---@

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