Darkness over Daggerford
Fountain in the Market square:
One the edges of the disks dance green
marble fish, scales delicatedly patterned in traces of
silver and crushed diamonds, frolicking happily among the
fall of the water.
On.
Wharram's Publishing House (near the market square)
A broad, open building filled with more shelves than the mind
can comfortably conceive - it has the meliculous, precise layout
achieved only by the obsessive or the true enthusiast.
Meticulous.
Present in all rooms except for the following one:
A Landing in Wharram's Publishing House
N-Upstairs in Wha E-Upstairs in Wha S-Upstairs in Wha W-Upstairs in Wha
D-Wharram's Publi
A broad, open building filled with more shelves than the mind
A landing overlooking the sprawling expanse of the bookshop
below.
The first line needs to be removed.
At the first floor we have also James Wharram:
A tall man with a keen expression, a commanding aura and
an aqualine nose.
Aquiline.
And Solo:
A bronzed young man with square features and a coarse
A small, dusky skinned man with a mild expression and laughing
eyes. Despite his friendly appearence, he seems very reluctant
to talk, and spends a lot of time playing with his short, iron-
grey hair.
Again, the first line needs to be removed because it is from the description of Matteus, another mobile of the same area.
Small chapel of Kelemvor near the market square:
To one side of the chapel stand a collection of large book-shelves, filled
with a variety of tomes - some in better condition than others.
Stands.
Garden near the market square:
Although it leads directly to tower's base, there the path
terminates.
Shouldn't it be to "the" tower's base?
Again in the garden the hiexel tree:
This average size tree has gently curved and sparse branches that gives
It an upright oval foliage shape. Its wood is green and seems waxy, its
Bark silver-green in colour.
Give. It's.
Also: this and all the other trees have every line of their description starting with a capital letter.
Again near the market:
Fields Lane
N-Fields Lane E-Animal Handler' S-The market
The cobbles in the street are worn smooth. Fields Lane continues
north to a junction with Horse Way, and into the distance south.
To the east,a board carved with the image of a man taming a wild
beast with a whip and a large piece of meat hangs over a large
barnlike structure.
After the comma it is needed a space.
Dragonback Inn, on Horse Way:
A large
fireplace with a roasting haunch of venison sizzling over it
sends an appetizing aroma though the air.
Through.
Potterer's Wheel, shop on Horse Way:
Horse Way is
visable through a door in the southern wall.
Visible.
Ghelimar Firefrostarr (wandering mob)
His belt holds a sheathe for
a longsword and dagger, while he wears a large bastard sword
across his back, with a brace of throwing daggers strapped to
his arms.
It seems sheath is a noun and sheathe is a verb. Here it is required the noun.
I would also put "for a longsword and
a dagger."
Zeno, wandering mob:
Patting a nearly empty purse, this battlescarred fellow's bright
blue eyes wander over his surroundings with professional curiousity.
His leather armor is worn, yet servicable. Weapons of various types,
most notibly a scimitar and a long leather whip, hang from his belt.
Serviceable. Notably.
Ondabarl "Yellowknife" Delfen (near the Northern gate to the East)
Hanging from the rope is a sheathe, where the
knife which gives the mage his nickname rests when not in use.
Sheath. See above.
Again, near the North Gate:
Winston Apothacary
N-Tymora Alley
A large counter of heavy oak stands along the southern wall.
Scattered across the surface are packets of components, recipies,
flasks, and various implements used to create the potions which
are sold in the front of the shop. A large glass case holds
completed potions marked with handwritten labels.
Recipes.
Hicetas, in the jeweler shop on Dukes Way:
Wearing a simple gown of muslin with small golden rings on her
fingers, this young girl's bright green eyes and are flecked with
golden highlights that match her honey blonde hair.
That "and" should be removed.
Duneden, in the shrine of Chauntea on Farmer's Way:
Peering nearsightedly at a parchment scroll, Duneden takes the
ingredients for a potion from a leather satchel marked with the
sign of an apothocary. His long brown robe is stained with
powered components for his potions.
Apothecary. Powdered.
Dukes Way, Ransaran's sergent-at-arms, Ruckert the cleric:
His
palor suggests time spent long underground, and his voice is a
mushy cough, as though he has contracted a cold.
Palor es español. En inglés hay "pallor".
Castle of Daggerford, outer yard, priest of Tempus:
This man's face is a tapestry of scars and the warmest color
A patchwork of scars criss-crosses this man's face and while
his armor is bloody, his skin is clean and the blood is deep
ochre. Dents add texture to his once smooth harness, but his
posture is straight and he seems hale.
The first line should be removed because it is from the description of a mob in a room nearby.
Barbican of Daggerford Castle:
A massive barbican of rough stones straddles the Duke's Way,
seperating the outer and inner yards of Castle Daggerford.
Separating.
Farrel's on Hill Road:
Farrel's Fine Jewelry and Apparel
E-Hill Road
A large selection of jewellery sparkles in the light of perfumed
oil lamps. Fine silks and brocades are draped over racks, while
a small pile of sketches stands on a table, the latest fashions
of the Kingdoms for the patrons to examine, comission, and enjoy.
Hill Road is visable through the open door to the east.
Commission. Visible.
Olin, thievish mob in Daggerford:
A small pouch,
visable on a thong around his neck, clinks musically as he
eyes his surroundings.
Visible.
Hill Road
Hill Road
N-Hill Road E-Hill Road W-Water Street
The cobbles of this road are chipped and worn, though places where
the stones are missing have been filled with hard packed dirt. Hill
Road continues north and east. The narrow lane of Water Street
is visable to the west.
Visible.
Another:
Hill Road
E-Mikitan Shipyar S-Wall Street W-Hill Road
The cobbles of this road are chipped and worn, though places where
the stones are missing have been filled with hard packed dirt. Hill
Road continues to the west. To the south stands Wall Street, where
the River gate is visable in the distance.
Visible.
Kaoth Alley
Kaoth Alley
N-The Trade Way E-Water Street S-Wall Street W-Blacksmith's Gu
This narrow alley is unpaved and dreary with smoke and the shadows
of surrounding buildings. A large structure to the west is marked with
the sign of a red anvil. Water Street begins stretches to the east. To
the north, Trade Way gives access to the central part of the hold, while
Wall Street is visable through a narrow opening to the south.
Visible.
Nearby:
Blacksmith's Guildhouse
E-Kaoth Alley
Large charred aprons of thick leather hang on hooks set into the
walls. A glowing fire in the center of this barnlike structure
holds implements that are being heated for reforging of tools,
armor and weapons. A large anvil squats next to a barrel of water,
while racks of finished products fill the southern wall. Kaoth
Alley is visable to the east. A narrow counter along the western
wall holds bottles and glasses, for use in sealing contracts
between the guildmembers.
Visible.
Trade Way:
The Trade Way
N-Korbus's Fine J E-The Trade Way S-Kaoth Alley W-The Trade Way
Cobbles smoothed and fit perfectly are kept in good repair on this
main route of the hold. Businesses and shops along the road provide
a myriad of sights, sounds, and scents. A glass window in a shop to
the north holds a selection of jewels and fine clothing. Kaoth Alley
is runs south between two buildings. Trade Way continues to the east
and west.
Either is or runs must be chosen, but both don't sound correct to me.
Merchant's Guild on the Trade Way:
The Trade Way is visable
through the open door to the south.
Visible.
Moneylender on the Trade Way:
Elegantly carves screens of rich ebony
provide privacy for those who wish to look over their fortunes
without prying eyes watching their every move.
Carved.
Nartan's Fine Goods on High Road
The High Road is visable through the open door in the western wall.
Visible.
Tailor's federation on High Road:
Large bolts of cloth, in every concievable color, spread over racks
and shelves.
Conceivable.
Also, since we are here, the description of Harman, the shopkeeper has a comma with a missing space after it.
Again High Road:
The High Road
N-The High Road E-Lady Luck Taver S-The High Road W-Rogan Alley
The road is wide and cobbled with smooth stones and shops of every
description line its length. The heavy traffic of citizens, guards.
and traders makes this one of the busiest roads in the hold of
Daggerford no matter the time of day. A tavern with the sign of a
woman standing under a horseshoe is visable to the east. To the west,
a small space between two businesses suggests an alley. The High Road
continues to the north and south.
Visible.
Yet again High Road:
The High Road
N-The High Road E-Kryptgarden Scr S-The High Road
The road is wide and cobbled with smooth stones and shops of every
description line its length. The heavy traffic of citizens, guards.
and traders makes this one of the busiest roads in the hold of
Daggerford no matter the time of day. The High Road continues to the
north and south. To the east,A sign with a rolled scroll and inkstained
quill marks a small shop.
Missing space and capital letter.
Kryptgarden Scrolls on High Road:
The High
Road is visable to the west.
Visible.
Rogan Alley:
Rogan Alley
N-Rogan Alley E-The High Road S-Guild Alley
Hard packed dirt, with the occassional pothole and cobble make
footing on this narrow alley questionable at best. The shadows of
buildings dapple the alley, and a mixture of earth, alcohol, food,
and other more unpleasant smells drift through this narrow corridor
on a fleeting breeze. Rogan Alley continues to the north. High Road
is visable between two buildings to the east, while Guild Alley
stretches south.
Visible.
Same story in the room twice north from this.
Guild Alley, between Rogan Alley and the Trade Way:
Guild Alley
N-Rogan Alley E-Physician's Ord S-The Trade Way W-Oleg's Weaponfo
This narrow alley is cobbled, though the cobbles are loose and
shift with every step. The well-maintained pavement of The Trade
Way is visable to the south. The hardpacked dirt of Rogan Alley
is visable to the north. A small shop marked with a hammer and
anvil, with a glowing sword, is visable to the west. The scent
of disinfectant drifts on the breeze from the east, where a
long barracks is marked with the sigil of healers.
Visible.
Physician's Order, east from the room above:
Guild Alley is visable through the western door.
Visible.
Derf's Skin Art in Rogan Alley:
Rogan Alley is visable through a dimly lit
door to the east.
Visible.
Derf himself:
His belt holds a variety of instruments which look like
the should be used by an executioner.
This sentence doesn't sound good to me.
Barracks south from the Drill Field:
Barracks
N-Darkness
Bunk beds stand in military rows in this large structure. The only
concession to decoration of the plain whitewashed walls is the symbol
of Daggerford pained just behide a large table in the southern end of
the hall. Racks for weapons and armor are located at the side of each
bunk, while chests for other items are visable under the bunks. The
drill field is visable through the open doors to the north.
Painted, behind, visible.
Mariner's Alliance on Wall Street (South):
Mariner's Alliance
S-Wall Street
This large chamber has a nautical theme and feel. Portraits of ships
in all sorts of weather, nets, adn instruments of the life of the sea
hang along the walls, while a large cabinet of fine liquors stands
along the northern wall. Charts and invoices for cargo are stacked
neatly on a brass bound captain's desk. Wall Street is visable through
the round porthole cut in the ship's door to the south.
And. Visible.
Ignace on Wall Street (West)
Wielding an awl and a large needle, this balding halfling's hands
are tough as the leather he shapes into durable merchandise for
purchase by townsmen and adventueres. [...]
Adventurers.
Also, about Ignace, he seems to speak halfling, although he understands common and lives among humans. It might be better to have him speak common.
And just to finish, gelatin cube in the sewers of Daggerford: at the end of his description he has written ".description."
Rat Hills:
Aldo the Dung Sweeper nods at the sprawling mountain of trash.
Aldo the Dung Sweeper says to you 'We all know better then to go too deep into Rat Hill, dangerous things lurk inside.'
Aldo the Dung Sweeper asks you 'You have the means to go much deeper then we, will you find out what has happened?'
Than.
Thelonius says to you 'Here the Faerunian Pantheon, but also the Maztican, Mulhorandi, Zakharan,'
Wasn't written somewhere on the forum that Maztica in FK has not already been discovered?
Howling Peaks, Howling Peaks Trail
In the distance to the northwest, the glimmer of Waterdeep's
tallest buildings is visable.
Visible.
Dragonisle:
Cutlass Lane
There is a definate change in the neighborhood as you move on to Cutlass
Lane. Things very adruptly become very clean and very bright. The neighborhood
is quiet, but quiet in a controled and disciplined way rather than in a
fashion that feels threatening.
Definite. Abruptly. Controlled.
Bounty Fashions, Rostin:
An elegant and graceful man wih a definate air of rakish
amusement to him.
Definite.
Chest Galore:
[...]Warm oak and brass
accents. A gleaming counter stretches along the length of the shop,
manned at all times by friendly staff members who cater to the needs
of the cliental, no matter how odd they may seem at times. [...]
Back to Daggerford, Ducal Palace, Lower Hall:
The stones
of the floor have been worn smooth by the passage of genrations.
Generations.
Auntie in Rat Hill:
Auntie Glimbell rummages in the mountain of things one her back.
Auntie Glimbell says to you 'Now see these buckles. I go them off some old armor someone threw out. The armor was rubbish, have no doubt. But not these buckles.'
On.
Waterdeep, kneeling in the temple of Moradin:
You pray at the hearth and ask for Moradins blessing.
Moradin's.
Tantras, Tarntassa's Tower:
Wrought iron scones hold torches that do not
smoke or burn down.
Sconces.
Tantras, temple of Kelemvor, Open Courtyard:
Trees surrounding the square provides the shade for a
serene path for strolling about after a week of studying in the library or
to discuss scholarly priestly matters.
Provide.
North from there the Armoury:
The armoursmiths are hammering hard steel on an
anvils, shaping the molten steel. Tools, barrels and equipment littter the
room. Along with shelves and racks holding the finished armour along with
the unfinished.
The article is not needed. Litter. For the last sentence to have sense the full stop should be replaced by a comma.
Same story by the Weaponsmith to the south.
Tantras, Minalde's Book and Sweet:
To the
left is a long glassed topped counter and a series of bookselves.
Bookshelves.
Finlisker Street
Finlisker Street
N-Finlisker Stree E-Tantras Ale wor S-Finlisker Stree W-Warehouse
Finlisker Street runs to the north and south here. This is a quiet area
with little traffic, growing more commerical as it approaches the docks.
To the west is some sort of warehouse. The scent of the sea begins to
grow stronger here.
Commercial.
Priest of Tempus in the House of Glory in Tantras (Ember Street)
A tall and stern man wearing the robes of a priest of Tempus. He has a commanding
air and a forbidding experssion. Not a man to be trifled with.
Expression.
The House of Twilight - Brothel and Night Club (on Roel Street)
It atmosphere is very low key,
fights are not tolerated, but almost any amusement can be purchased
for the right amount of coin.
Its.
Sune Firehair, by Valentina (chapter one)
Sune is a benevolant [...] deep passsions
Benevolent. Passions.
Chapter two
that makes all beings n a locale happier, [...]with a task or the
role of Sune;s champion,
In. Sune's.
Chapter three
and an aquired imperfection
that can not be masked or healed by spells or other means of shapeshifting spells
the end of a Sunites priest's career.
Acquired. After spells a verb like "means" is needed for the sentence to have sense.
Chapter four
It issues from the core of ones being and shows
ones fair or foul face to the word. [...] and following ones heart [...]imposible love[/color] being [...] Love none more then yourself [...] Encourage beauty whereever you find it [...] whenever
and whereever you find them. [...]
One's. Impossible. Than. Wherever.
Chapter five
is a dusk-til-dawn party which outsiders are invited, [...] sung by skilled mistrels. [...] aften by alteringWhere. Minstrels. Often.
And now to Silverymoon:
Xoth Avenue
N-The Hammer and E-Xoth Avenue W-Xoth Avenue
The houses along this street are noteable for their lack of windows.
Almost all the houses have no window to speak of, while others have
small slits. You suspect this may be where the dwarven artisans live
while in the city.
Notable. Windows.
Again on Xoth Avenue, Bright Blade Brandished Tavern:
This tavern is favoure by adventurers
Favoured.
And the Alcove in there:
Comfortable leather seats before a clean and white table clothed
table are set up here.
The first table needs to go.
Shrine to Sehanine Moonbow:
The only
light in the room can be found from above. a chart of the stars covers the
ceiling as if it were the night sky, along with a larger light to represent
the moon in the center.
It needs a capital there.
Elven squire
He walk seems unused to the load,
This sentence doesn't sound good to me.
Rosa Vernien, priestess of Aerdrie Faenya
Her eyes are a are a bright green that shimmer like
the new spring grass.
I think there should be another word there.
And even when they talk about her:
Ithil Tinta says to you 'Blessed are we to have an Avarial as a teacher here.'
Avariel.
House Invincible:
Gatehouse Tunnel
E-Lower Yard W-Before the Gate
Even on the hottest days of summer, it is noticably cooler within this
tunnel.
Noticeably.
Book "Tested and True", chapter one
In the past, He wast greatly
venerated by those who serve as guards and protectors. [...] the Great Guard wast left [...] Verily didst [...]
The t is not needed. Wast and didst are second person singular forms, their usage with the third person is wrong, i.e. thou wast/didst vs. he was/did.
Chapter two
the land wast stricken [...] wast
left with His power
Same as explained above.